unedited version
Different Spin 23rd Jan 2015
The first month of the new year always takes me down memory lane
as I start comparing notes on how I pictured my life to be like when I was
still a child, to what it really is today.
Never in my 6 year-old mind, would I have thought I'd be writing
a column, while waiting for elephants to stroll less than 50 meters away from
the "Glamp" (Glam Camp) that I am staying at on Kruger Park, South
Africa. Nor did I marry my high
school crush whom I swore to "love for eternity" when my parents
forbade us from seeing each other for fear of affecting our studies. I've
always pictured myself married to my first boyfriend and we'd grow old together
with 6 children looking after us. I've since, parted ways with him, dated a few
guys, married one of them, got divorce and remarried my business parter.
Between the both of us, we have 4 kids together. "His, Mine, Ours".
Instead of working at the local hospital back home, I am out
producing TV shows. I've embraced Islam but I still hum to hymns when attending
weddings, christenings and religious celebrations of friends and family. I am
also lucky to experience Deepavali now that my sister has married into a
wonderful Indian family. Her life was not how she pictured it to be either, and
I think this falls true for most people?
I celebrated a friends' birthday last weekend. We reminisced her
bash last year, where she was getting panicky because her life plan 'was not
complete'. She had an amazing job, but she did not have a boyfriend and was
approaching her 40s, so she was worried she would not be able to bear children
and was considering on freezing her eggs - "just in case". However,
God granted her her birthday wish this year. Not only is she happily married
now, but a baby is on the way to complete her dream of being a wife and mother;
all in the span of less than a year!
She said if someone told her then, that she would be married to a
'mat salleh' from South Africa after courting each other for less than 4 months
and having a thriving career in the entertainment scene instead of practicing
law, she would not have believed it.
I also met this jovial character of a man, who has been in the
retail industry for many years. This year, the grandfather of one, decides to
quit his high paying corporate job to become a chef. For the first 6 months, he
worked behind the scenes in a restaurant as a pot washer and learnt the ropes,
all this without pay. Last Monday, he started his 2 years studies in the
culinary world and he speaks about it with so much passion and excitement;
something that most of his closest friends have not seen in him for a very long
time. Sadly, his wife does not share his enthusiasm for a change in vocation
and they have parted ways.
My mother always tells me, "never say never". We have a
local saying for this: " Jaga-jaga, nanti mulut masin" which
literally means "becareful, you might have a salty mouth" - so what
you say, will come true. Whether you wish for, or not. Don't say it. Try not to
even think of it.
Unless you want it to become true.
My Malay friends tell me this is because every word uttered is
like a doa or a prayer. Those superstitious go the extra mile and try to
eliminate even the thought completely.
In retrospect, I reflect back on what I've said in the past. When
I watched the marriage of someone very close to me crumble as a young girl, I
swore my husband was never,ever going to leave me for another woman and my
marriage was going to be perfect. Karma decided otherwise.
I had written post-it reminders on my study table to motivate me
to "study hard Dr. Daphne" and I made a pact to my grandfather that I
would look after his dogs and "one day I will visit Africa to see the
animals in the safari". Everything but the doctor part came true, so what
gives?
"Did you secretly wish to be something else Daph," asks
my friend whom I confided to upon this discovery?
And it dawned on me. I did think being a radio announcer was cool
after listening to Patrick Teoh and Yasmin Yusuff on Radio 4, and I would
pretend that my study cubicle was also my DJ console. All this while looking at
the "study hard Dr Daphne" post it notes.
I understand now why there are so many taboos as to what we can
see or what we are encouraged to see, when we are pregnant. A pregnant
girlfriend was so upset when she was showed pictures of deformed babies (the
person who showed her those gruesome photos, did not know she was carrying a
child) and I understand her annoyance. Being pregnant, you have to be super
careful with what you say, for fear it will affect the child and pregnancy. As
much as some might think it is hogwash, I'd rather be safe than sorry.
In conclusion, in all that we say and do, we should always try
and think good thoughts, have noble intentions and say only good and positive
things. Kind words, kind thoughts. This is my new mantra that I will reinforce
strongly in my life and household. InshaAllah, things will be better. Because
it can be.
Daphne hopes for more documentary
and emcee opportunities, so she can travel more with her family exploring the
world. Follow her on twitter @daphCLPT.
Thanks for your sharing and reflections. Life is full of surprises. Take care.
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